90’s Artefact: SHAMPOO

‘Hippy chicks are sad and supermodels suck / riot grrrls, diet grrrls, who really gives a fuck?'"Viva La Megababes" by Shampoo Sitting outside Woolworth's in Stevenage, a girl whose name I can no longer remember regarded me with slight disappointment as I lifted the CD single from its plastic bag, turning it over, examining the cover's collage of similar photographs dyed in different colours...

A Foreword

An autobiography is defined as “an account of a person’s life written by that person.” It is a catalogue of a person’s life and times told candidly with details and biases only found through having lived each moment first hand. It’s narrative is usually presented through the rose colored glasses of nostalgia contrasted with a hint of regret to imbue it with just enough dramatic tension...

JPEGMAFIA “ALL MY HEROES ARE CORNBALLS”

I am not a fan of this generation’s hip hop. All of that bubblegum colored, vibe obsessed, face tattooed, mush mouthed, non-sensical mumble rap nonsense that’s been trending for the past few years I could definitely do without. If every millennial sad boy with a Lil in their moniker disappeared from this world in a cloud of vape smoke, a tear I would not shed. But that’s just the...

Me & McSweeney’s Down by the Schoolyard

On 9/15/19, the following was submitted to the acclaimed literary humor site, McSweeney's Internet Tendency. On 9/20/19, a gracious and empathetic rejection email (personally written / non-boilerplate) was sent back in response, providing even further evidence why McSweeney's is fucking awesome. Me & A McSWEENEY’s Rejection Letter: Collision Course Collision course?! Why a collision...

It Happened One Morning Drop-Off • A Blusterhouse Index

It's back! Every parent's favorite time of year is finally here, BACK TO SCHOOL SZN! In honor of my little girl having just started the first grade, I proudly present a list of all the weirdest things that happened last year in kindergarten during the wild, magical and mysteriously strange time known as morning drop-off.  10.  After having lived in one of the more affluent upper-middle...

An Addiction to Writing Distraction

As I write this I have four tabs open; each representing the different avenues of research that I needed to write this piece. I seem to be incapable of reading a full article in its entirety before the insatiable urge comes to switch to another. The irony certainly hasn’t been lost on me. If I don’t make the conscious choice to alter my behaviour, now, before the end of my introduction; this...

How I Learned to Stop Worrying & Love the Woj Bomb

If there was one clear cut winner of this year’s NBA offseason, it would definitely have to be ESPN Senior NBA Insider Adrian Wojnarowski. Despite all of the major shifts in the power structure of the league brought on by this offseason’s free agency period, nothing came anywhere even remotely close to the anticipation of breaking news from the Twitter feed of the man now commonly known as...

The First Rule of Write Club is That You Talk About Write Club

So, here we are, you and me, standing still in place and wondering what we’re doing with our lives. I look at you and tell you the dead truth: I don’t really know. Right now, I’m in the subway under downtown Los Angeles on my way home, hoping to catch the early train so I can cut a little bit more out of my night than I usually do. I live in a small place, by anyone’s standard, and go...

Because I Never Throw Anything Away I Can Share With You The Crappy Card Game I Made 24 Years Ago

BREAKING: I'm a nerd. I know. To many of my friends and family that admission will come as a total shock, but there it is. And, the horrible truth of it is, I've always been a nerd. Heaven help my sons, let us all hope they take after their mother. Being a colossal nerd I've been into colossally nerdy things, often well before being a nerd about said things was cool (See: comic books, role...

The Legend of Internet Tio

Where did you find your heroes?  In between the panels of a comic book, larger than life, battling for the fate of the world? Out in the fields, courts, stadiums and arenas of your city making that last shot or taking the last stand to lead your team to victory? Did you see them on the nightly news in a three minute local feel good story doing something to make life a little better for the...