An Abridged Oral History of THE WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM

As reported by NFL Insider Adam Schefter on the morning of 7/23/20, the franchise formerly known as the Washington Redskins will be calling itself the “Washington Football Team” pending the adoption a new name, effective immediately. This is not a final renaming and rebranding for the team, continues Adam Schefter in a tweet. This is the name it wants to use until the pending adoption of a...

RAMY Season 2

What I’m about to state is going to sound bad but I honestly, and sincerely, mean it in the best way possible.  The Hulu original series RAMY is probably the closest I will ever get to truly empathizing with the neverending plight of the millenial fuckboi. Despite that only being subtly hinted in on the series logline (A first generation Muslim American is caught between life as part of a...

Family Story

I’ve been living scared ever since the day my daughter was born.  I’ve been scared of every other motorist on the road, all of the sugar and preservatives jam packed in food, the early on set male pattern baldness and diabetes very prominently embedded in my genetic code. I’ve been scared of how lazy I get on the days I have off, how reckless I am when it comes to money and how...

The Wes Anderson Narcotic

Writer/director Wes Anderson has always had an extremely particular style of film making. The pastel color palettes, the hypnotically symmetrical shot compositions, the slow motion walk ups accompanied by ’70s pop songs, the idiosyncratic character driven tales of fucked up families front lined by unbelievably shitty father figures have been combined (and refined) over the course of nine films...

A Foreword

An autobiography is defined as “an account of a person’s life written by that person.” It is a catalogue of a person’s life and times told candidly with details and biases only found through having lived each moment first hand. It’s narrative is usually presented through the rose colored glasses of nostalgia contrasted with a hint of regret to imbue it with just enough dramatic tension...

JPEGMAFIA “ALL MY HEROES ARE CORNBALLS”

I am not a fan of this generation’s hip hop. All of that bubblegum colored, vibe obsessed, face tattooed, mush mouthed, non-sensical mumble rap nonsense that’s been trending for the past few years I could definitely do without. If every millennial sad boy with a Lil in their moniker disappeared from this world in a cloud of vape smoke, a tear I would not shed. But that’s just the...

Me & McSweeney’s Down by the Schoolyard

On 9/15/19, the following was submitted to the acclaimed literary humor site, McSweeney's Internet Tendency. On 9/20/19, a gracious and empathetic rejection email (personally written / non-boilerplate) was sent back in response, providing even further evidence why McSweeney's is fucking awesome. Me & A McSWEENEY’s Rejection Letter: Collision Course Collision course?! Why a collision...

It Happened One Morning Drop-Off • A Blusterhouse Index

It's back! Every parent's favorite time of year is finally here, BACK TO SCHOOL SZN! In honor of my little girl having just started the first grade, I proudly present a list of all the weirdest things that happened last year in kindergarten during the wild, magical and mysteriously strange time known as morning drop-off.  10.  After having lived in one of the more affluent upper-middle...

How I Learned to Stop Worrying & Love the Woj Bomb

If there was one clear cut winner of this year’s NBA offseason, it would definitely have to be ESPN Senior NBA Insider Adrian Wojnarowski. Despite all of the major shifts in the power structure of the league brought on by this offseason’s free agency period, nothing came anywhere even remotely close to the anticipation of breaking news from the Twitter feed of the man now commonly known as...

The Legend of Internet Tio

Where did you find your heroes?  In between the panels of a comic book, larger than life, battling for the fate of the world? Out in the fields, courts, stadiums and arenas of your city making that last shot or taking the last stand to lead your team to victory? Did you see them on the nightly news in a three minute local feel good story doing something to make life a little better for the...