JPEGMAFIA “ALL MY HEROES ARE CORNBALLS”

I am not a fan of this generation’s hip hop. All of that bubblegum colored, vibe obsessed, face tattooed, mush mouthed, non-sensical mumble rap nonsense that’s been trending for the past few years I could definitely do without. If every millennial sad boy with a Lil in their moniker disappeared from this world in a cloud of vape smoke, a tear I would not shed. But that’s just the...

Me & McSweeney’s Down by the Schoolyard

On 9/15/19, the following was submitted to the acclaimed literary humor site, McSweeney's Internet Tendency. On 9/20/19, a gracious and empathetic rejection email (personally written / non-boilerplate) was sent back in response, providing even further evidence why McSweeney's is fucking awesome. Me & A McSWEENEY’s Rejection Letter: Collision Course Collision course?! Why a collision...

It Happened One Morning Drop-Off • A Blusterhouse Index

It's back! Every parent's favorite time of year is finally here, BACK TO SCHOOL SZN! In honor of my little girl having just started the first grade, I proudly present a list of all the weirdest things that happened last year in kindergarten during the wild, magical and mysteriously strange time known as morning drop-off.  10.  After having lived in one of the more affluent upper-middle...

How I Learned to Stop Worrying & Love the Woj Bomb

If there was one clear cut winner of this year’s NBA offseason, it would definitely have to be ESPN Senior NBA Insider Adrian Wojnarowski. Despite all of the major shifts in the power structure of the league brought on by this offseason’s free agency period, nothing came anywhere even remotely close to the anticipation of breaking news from the Twitter feed of the man now commonly known as...

The Legend of Internet Tio

Where did you find your heroes?  In between the panels of a comic book, larger than life, battling for the fate of the world? Out in the fields, courts, stadiums and arenas of your city making that last shot or taking the last stand to lead your team to victory? Did you see them on the nightly news in a three minute local feel good story doing something to make life a little better for the...

Anatomy of a Near Perfect Tweet According to a Shitty Tweeter

I never got Twitter. Or Instagram or Tumblr or Facebook or Snapchat or MySpace or pretty much all of social media. For a second in high school, I thought I had a pretty good grasp of Livejournal but that came and went pretty quickly. So, what is it exactly about Twitter that I don't get you ask? For starters, let me offer a bit of context. I, Jericho Vilar, am a 38 year old socially crippled...